For several weeks I've had more good days than bad. God dealt with me directly, lovingly, and severely one Sunday afternoon when I found myself in the pit of despair. No, not the torture pit from The Princess Bride...this is one of my own creation where I am both the torturer and the tortured. This is my own secret hideaway in which I retreat when I feel an overwhelming need to reject God's goodness and provision, to sit in my own emotional and spiritual filth, and have a pity party for one. Unlike the pit in the movie the way in is not hard to find, the key is obvious: selfishness. I don't need the Spirit of my Father to guide my blade to find the mechanism to allow entry. In fact, the Spirit always tries to guide me away from the pit, but I can be pretty stubborn about the matter.
Today is a perfect example of the rougher type of days. After a dismal four day weekend of being sick and alone, I have arisen with a new focus on entering the pit. I crave selfish indulgence. I want to confront God with cries of "Why me?" With circumstances in my life decidedly out of my control I've had to learn to lean fully on God. Every day, sometimes every second of every day, is an exercise in actively living my faith. I'm learning to trust God based on His testimony about His character from His word. Life and circumstances may shift like leaves in the breeze, but God does not. Really believing this, really living every moment of life based on a truth that never changes regardless of the wily ways of the world is the challenge I face. And today I got out of bed not wanting to face it or live up to the calling I received.
Here's the deal, the basic problem I have with wanting to get faith right today: my requirement is not contingent on the behavior of others. No matter what others may do, God's call on my life, the master/servant relationship He established when He purchased me out of my slavery to sin, is steadfast. This fact is even more stubborn than I am. When others people refuse to act as I think they should I stubbornly grasp for the latch to my pit of despair. I grab onto my selfish feelings, whine, cry, moan, and act like a spoiled brat. But, and this is a God sized but, the command did not change. Though the whole world should disobey, I am still commanded otherwise. I am the servant, and I have a master.
I am apparently not the only person in the history of Christianity to require this lesson. The church at Thessaloniki had some folks who refused to get with the program. Those people were commanded by God to get to work. For those trying to get it right God had this instruction:
As for the rest of you, dear brothers and sisters, never get tired of doing good. 2 Thes 3:13 (NLT)Well that's me in a nutshell today. I'm tiring of doing good. I don't want to do the good I know I ought to do (thank you James), but that does not absolve me of the requirement. In military terms the verse could be translated thus: suck it up, Buttercup. So I will. I resolve not only to do the good I ought in those opportunities which present themselves, but I will go the extra mile and seek out such opportunities. I will live out my faith. The Spirit is leading me (again) away from the pit of despair, and for that I am grateful. I am especially grateful that the command comes with comfort. Or, as Paul closed out the letter:
Now may the Lord of peace himself give you his peace at all times and in every situation. The Lord be with you all. 2 Thes 3:16
As for how God dealt with me that day a few weeks ago, it was through this song. I've known the song for a while, played it plenty of times on guitar, but I never fully comprehended the meaning.
